I posted lots of photos recently because I refused to think, using stress as an excuse. Now, I am finally willing to write again, after pushing all thoughts away during the past few weeks.
I have not managed to secure a job yet. I am feeling intense pressure, panic and frustration because starting my training this month had been crucial to the schedule of this year. The duration of the training is 10 months – the later I start, the later I finish. I didn’t want to meet anyone at all throughout this period, assuming that I will have to sit through conversations I’d rather not hear from friends, all of which have started their training. The same things happen whenever I see Alex. He wakes up every morning at 6:20, while I can still linger under the duvet – the only bright side of the whole situation. Then, I spend the rest of the day facing the laptop, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and the dishes, eventually culminating in preparing the evening meal while waiting for Alex to return. This whole housewife lifestyle has at least made me realize that I don’t want to get married so soon, or at the very least having my own career.
I attended quite a number of interviews over the past months, but nothing worked out. So many choices became my eventual nemesis. I became arrogant, leading to poor performance in each interview. So what? I had “others”. This indecision, greed and overconfidence led to my downfall. When I finally realised the extent of my mistake, I had only one interview left. And it was sick irony that I did my best for the last interview, paying attention and giving my best effort like no other, and then securing the job, only to find out it came with pathetically bad conditions, one which I finally had to reject.
Anyhow, thanks to Tristyn for breaking the news that there will be an exception this year around – the 10 month training period has been reduced to only 6. I’ve sent an email to my tutor, and, pending his confirmation, I am actually looking forward to exploring other choices. Other jobs might not pay as much I could get as an architectural assistant, but nevertheless it may be end up being interesting.